What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 23.06.2025 04:45
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I will be 64.
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Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
She married twice! .
What kind of person does a narcissist hate?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She found it foreign!.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
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But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is soul school!.
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I write beautiful poetry .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
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I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
One cannot live in the past .
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I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
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She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But it wasn’t much.
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Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
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Put me off passion for life!!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I don,t even have a pension.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
When she asked me how she looked .
We all went to grammer schools
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As i do to all so called friends.?
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
She loved him until the end.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
(And it was in our own minds.)
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
And who doesn’t know suffering?
We were not on the streets..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I have no regrets .
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I couldn’t, believe it.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Would this be the day?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She was in good health!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
All the time i was locked up.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I said to her
I never cut or harmed myself..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
So, i spoilt her more .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Ive learnt so much.
My life is so biszare .
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
He knew the spot.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
So whats the point in blame.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I think the readers, may guess!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im still living with it.
And i lived it daily.
But, we were locked up after school.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I was scared of men, in general
Why did i forgive my father ?
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Comes on , in middle age.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
It was going to be , some day.
She wouldn,t have been !
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My family never makes their pension either.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
He resisted the act ,that day.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I waited trembling.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was seconnd youngest,
I was 9 years of age.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I was very sick at this time too.
Was to survive, this bastard.
What did i know ?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Who then, do I blame.?